KVM Info

You see the discrepancy in his personality and you want him to change. You want him to become the good guy he is some of the time all of the time, but he is unwilling and you think if you fight hard enough reason or love will get him to take action and he will eventually wake up.

And so many women do this. You make that potential everything, when it’s not everything; it’s barely anything. Scraps mostly.

A lot of you women get so duped by the connection or the allure of the elusive man or the man behind the shadows. You think he’s OZ.

I spoke this to Paul, I spoke this to him from a place of masculinity inside of me that is truly baffled by what I see in many men. It was the old world looking at the present, utterly thrown.

To say that what I shared with Paul didn’t affect him would be a lie, but how he handled it made me marvel at the man he is. Paul could have taken what I shared as a personal attack. He could have had a lot of reactions. I saw the pain in his face as the truth poured from my lips. He saw the truth in what I was saying. He saw it in himself and this world. Instead of him taking any of it personally, instead of him squashing my feelings with his own he did something no man has ever done for me.

You see, the small is invalidated a lot in light of the bigger picture, but that isn’t how healing works. You can’t just jump, you have to fully feel through a feeling so you can release it, so you can understand it for what it is. When you hear someone rage and you fight them, you are harming their ability to heal. Sometimes all a person needs is to be heard, is to be received. Feelings have merit no matter if they are a whole picture or not.

Have you ever had an instance where you know something that you don’t fully know, but you know you know it?

It sounds nonsensical right?

How can you possibly know something you don’t know?

This feeling can be so weird.

You get bits and pieces of information, kind of like a lost dream you remember aspects of, but you cannot remember all the specifics.

5. Being Shipwrecked

In 2010, I got shipwrecked in an attempt to rescue a fair maiden in distress. Little did I know that she was slowly and incrementally sucking all of the life and orgasm out of my body.  It was only once I lost all of my energy, got sick, and completely off course in the journey toward my purpose did I realize the fate I had created for myself.  Before that I was on track, I was going somewhere.  And then, BAM! My boat hit rocks off shore and there I remained stranded on a deserted island.  It took me three years to get back on track and slowly build back all of the energy I lost.

1. Getting Drunk on Love

There’s something about that certain touch and feeling. It’s a complete out of control state.  I love nothing more than to find her.  The one who I can nod off with, with a simple whisper of my name or a passing touch.  Where the world is suddenly engulfed by her sex and turn on.  It overtakes me. It’s like my own custom made heroin batch.  Where I can feel the warmth of her orgasm moving and pulsing through my veins.  It’s definitely a drug.  And I fall asleep.  This is my junkie’s favorite type of siren.

My desire became strong and forceful. I was scared to lose her again so for years felt that I had to defend her from all my boyfriends. I practiced open relationship and was highly sensitive to a man asking me to slow down or to not make out with a particular person, etc. I wanted very much to go deep with one person, and I wanted very much to have a wide open playing field where I could do what I wanted with others as well. My desire was a killer; she was a victim; she was a perpetrator and she was still fragile, too. Still I carried with me the fear that to tamp her down even once meant that she might be put back in the zoo again to die the slow death of a caged animal.

I had dated a girl named Juliet about a year prior to this and I always knew there was something there between us but somehow I could not access it.

I had an experience in my past that was blocking me from fully connecting. My first girlfriend ever, the first girl I had ever slept with, cheated on me, and as a result I was super insecure about a lot of things and super fearful of rejection.

When I was 27, after having been in several relationships, I found myself asking the question, “Have you ever been in love?”

I was beginning to worry I would never experience this feeling. I had some feelings for some girls in those relationships, but I knew there was more possible.

After getting sober from booze and pills, I started some serious soul searching. I was looking for purpose in life.