Relationship Tip: Why It’s Bad to Go to Bed Angry

Relationship Tip: Why It’s Bad to Go to Bed Angry

A psychological study done last year found that sleep preserves emotionally charged events.

This means that if you have a fight with your partner and don’t resolve it before bed, you are more likely to hold on to the fight  and your hurt feelings in your permanent memory. Not a good thing for your relationship!

If you need to fight, do so  many hours before bedtime. Morning is best, so that both of you have all of the day to get over the fight. Before sleep, make sweet emotional memories, so that the two of you can preserve in your memory the sweetness of your relationship.

Relationship Tip: Feel Less Hurt After a Fight

Did you just have a fight with your partner? Reduce how hurt you both feel now and later and you stand a better chance of resolving the offending issue and saving your relationship from damage.

How do you reduce hurt? Try playing 10 minutes of Tetris – a computer game – right after the fight. A recent psychological study suggests that playing Tetris can reduce the intensity of flashback of a trauma.

Since relationship fights are often traumatic and hurtful as seen in this adultfrienedfinder app reviews, playing Tetris could help you both reduce the trauma of the fight, take it less seriously and minimize its damage to you and the relationship.

How Do I Take Time Alone In a Relationship

Q: Genoveve asks: 

Hi, Rinatta. How does the person who asks for time alone in a relationship make sure that they don’t start feeling insecure during their time out? I can see how questions such as “is my partner unhappy because I want this time to myself?” or ”is he/she going to leave me because I don’t want to be with her/him all the time?” can storm someone’s mind… In other words, how do I ask for and take time alone in a relationship, feel good about it, and help my partner feel good about it?

A: Love Coach Rinatta Paries answers:

Genoveve, the best, most healthy, relationships have plenty of together time and also plenty of alone time. However, most people don’t know this. Even if they feel the need for space from their loved one intuitively, they are not comfortable asking for and taking the alone time. Let me tell you, though, that a relationship without alone time will eventually disintegrate because of an accumulation of resentments because of lack of space from each other.

The steps to successfully taking alone time in a relationship are as follows:

1. Know you and your partner need time away from each other and start to talk about this with your partner.

2. When discussing time alone with your partner, emphasize how important the time together is for you and how taking time away from each other will make the time together even better.

3. Let your partner know that when you are away, you will genuinely miss him or her, but will need to focus on yourself. Encourage him or her to do the same.

4. If possible, establish regular time alone. Say every Wednesday night from 6 to 9 pm, or every Saturday night at your house as opposed to at his place.

5. If your partner resists or can’t get over your need for time and space alone, keep talking about why it’s important to you and the relationship, and get him or her to read this blog. Ask your partner to talk about why it’s hard for him or her to accept space and time away from you.

To help you communicate successfully with your partner, get the Essential Communication Course for Couples and the  Increase Intimacy in Your Relationship eCourses. These will help you overcome difficult communication blocks that otherwise make people stop communicating with each other.

6. When taking time away from your partner, keep self-doubt and fear of whether you are doing the right thing at bay. Remind yourself that you and the relationship will be better off rather than worst off for you taking alone time. When the angst comes, know that it will pass and keep refocusing your attention on the tasks at hand.

7. If your partner absolutely refuses to give you alone time, it’s time for relationship intervention, as this will lead to serious problems down the road. For example, the person who is now refusing to give you alone time will be spending more time away from you in the not too distant future so as to get some alone time, as everyone needs alone time in a relationship and will take it regardless of his or her views on it.

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