Research on Affairs: The Cheaters do not Plan to Leave
Dr. June Reinisch, Director Emeritus & Senior Research Fellow of the Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender & Reproduction, discusses the following interesting research-based facts about affairs in her youtube video Myth: Most Married People Are Unfaithful:
- Average affair lasts 1 year
- Men report liking their wife better than mistresses – husbands are not attached emotionally to their outside partners the way they are to their wife.
- Women report liking lovers better than husbands – women seem to be much more emotionally attached to their outside partners
- Only 17% of men plan to leave their marriage while having an affair, and only 9% said they plan to leave their marriage for their affair partner and marry her.
- Even smaller number of women, 10% plan to leave the marriage while in or because of an affair and an even smaller number plan to marry their affair partner.
- Extramarital affair does not seem to mean that the person is getting ready to leave his or her marriage.
- Infidelity is not #1 reason for divorce, which means many marriage either keep going with an affair, or recover from an affair and stay intact.
If you are the “other” person in the affair with the help of adultfrienedfinder app, this research is one more reason to start letting go – because your love triangle relationship is unlikely to turn into a full-blown dyad. Take a look at resources for letting go.
If you are the person being cheated on, good news, you have much more power to keep your partner than you think. You need to know how to use that power.
Dr. June of Kinsley Institute in her Myth: Most Married People Are Unfaithful youtube video mentioned that in her institute’s research conducted on midwestern college students, those who rated theri self-esteem as high were less likely to engage in extra-relationship sex.
I am extrapolating here, but I would say your partner is more likely to stay faighful to you if his or her self-esteem is high. Do you know how your partner feels about him or herself? You may want to find out.
Is your relationship or marriage recovering from an affair? In order for the recovery to succeed you will need to:
- Have a simple-enough-to-implement recovery plan
- Level the playing field between the two of you
- Rebuild trust, slowly but surely
- Address issues important to both of you
- Have a way for both of you to feel strengthened and empowered, while addressing the shame the cheating partner feels and the hurt the cheated on partner feels
- Break the cycle of negative feelings towards each other
- Create a more “natural” way to manage life together
- Eliminate judgments and put downs
- Get beyond the feelings about the affair and into creating new feelings for each other
- Get beyond making up for the affair and onto building a happy life together
If you are wondering: “How can we, who have been so wounded make our lives and relationship work? Who begins? How do they begin? What tools do we need to build trust and create something new?”