KVM Info

We met at Caribou Coffee—in the gay ‘hood. My first time there—what better place for an infrequent first date then someplace I’d never been. Of course I should have known how it would turn out. I hated coffee—loathed the sweet aromatic scent of the brew—even compared the acidic stench to skunk juice. But it was better than trying to carry on a conversation in a smoke-filled bar where I could hardly hear a word.

Recently, my friend Jerry starting dating a man who’s ten years older than he is. These two guys really like each other, they have a lot in common, and there’s a strong mutual attraction; everyone who sees them together says that they seem really happy.

I suspect that Cupid doesn’t have a sexual preference; that’s a human quality. So when it comes to us gays and lesbians, I bet Cupid is an equal opportunity matchmaker—just as likely to shoot an arrow at us as anyone else. But somehow the arrow has missed you so far, and you haven’t made that heart-to-heart connection yet.

So you’ve had that all-important first chat. You even received an “I’m glad to meet you” email. Good start. It’s hard to meet someone who wants to date—especially in the online gay community. Most want stats and pictures first—and if you’re not perfect—adios amigo. If you don’t send drop-dead gorgeous pictures, create scintillating chat and meet immediately, you get nada—nothing.

There’s no denying it: Members of the gay and lesbian community are significant contributors to the community of online dating. Almost all reputable internet personals sites include same sex matches. In this busy world where meeting quality people is often difficult, online dating is a great option. But before you start checking out the profiles online — or even create your own free profile — let’s consider what most of us are looking for in a date.

I recently joined dating site, and I’m trying to figure out how to write my profile. I am attracted to all kinds of women but especially those with well-formed and well-cared-for feet. I find women’s feet to be sexy… very sexy. While I appreciate feet, they’re definitely not the most important thing for me in a partner because I am looking for a serious relationship and don’t need to be with someone who likes having her feet touched. A woman’s personality is much more important at the end of the day. So should I even mention it in my ad or do you think it would scare otherwise great women away?

My free profile wasn’t getting much attention, so I changed one detail (I subtracted eight years from my age) and started having better luck. My question is this: Should I tell the people I meet the truth, and if so, when? Should I wait until we are in a relationship?

Dear Ron,

I can’t seem to hold on to a boyfriend for more than a few months, although each one tells me I am the most beautiful and personable woman they have met in a long time. It seems to me that most men will be dishonest about their feelings to obtain premature intimacy and when it doesn’t take place in a short period of time, they dump the woman with no explanation. I have been so disappointed by this behavior in men that I don’t believe anything a man says and have been thinking about not dating any longer.

I am a 50-year old woman who, like a lot of Americans, has a weight problem. I am changing that, but at the present I need to lose a lot more. I find myself getting discouraged because most of the men whose profiles I have looked at in my age range want a slim/slender woman. Some of these men don’t care about language, ethnicity, smoking habits or even if she is from three to six feet tall, as long as she is skinny. It makes me want to scream out, “If you want a Barbie doll, shop at Toy R Us!”

Online dating tends to make us very goal-oriented. We fill out a free profile and outline our perfect man or woman. He should be a tall non-smoker who knows how to cry. She should be a slim social drinker who appreciates jazz.

Other members’ profiles seduce us as we read them. Blond hair — check. Interesting, artsy job — check. Loves R&B — check.