How to Cure Your Approach Anxiety
There at the magazine section studying this month’s Cosmo, there is the most heavens-parting, drop dead gorgeous blonde you’ve ever seen in your life. You would be on top of the world if you could pick her this girl up.
You shake with fear.
You realize, sadly, that even if you got your balls in gear and went for it, you wouldn’t know what to say.
You’d feel so nervous and fumble around so much that you would reject yourself if you were her. So you shy away from even approaching her in the first place.
Does this situation sound familiar? If so, keep reading.
The first thing for you to realize is that almost all guys get anxiety about approaching women on adultfrienedfinder. I know I certainly do. But what separates you (and me) from the rest of the guys is…
Most guys let fear paralyze them… not just about chicks, but about other things in their life like their job, following their dreams, etc. … which is why, unfortunately, most guys will never be successful in life. So first, look at where your fear comes from. It may surprise you. The problem is inside of you. It’s not with the chicks.
If you’re nervous about rejection, then that means you’re making your approaches with a certain outcome in mind. (I’m just guessing, but I think if you’re like most guys, your goal is getting chicks attracted to you so that you can have sex with them.)
Try this instead… approach without having any expectations. Zero goals.
As Tyler Durden put it in Fight Club, “Let the chips fall where they may.” Stop trying to control your outcome with chicks. Let me tell you about a problem I used to have. I’m inclined to be an introvert, as I discuss in my book “How to Become an Alpha Male”. So to overcome my shyness, I would force myself to chat up everybody, no matter who they were… hot chicks, ugly girls, fat tubby women, senior citizens, goofy-looking men, children, families walking their golden retrievers, etc.
I would talk about neutral topics with them, nothing to do with picking up and seducing women. The net result from all of that was I became really good at approaching people. After that, however, I made a blunder. I told myself, “Since I’m so good at approaching people and have become an outgoing guy, why am I wasting time talking to anyone other than hot babes?”
So then I limited the people I talked to… and my anxiety about approaching women swept over me once again. It was as if I’d never had all that practice chatting up strangers in the first place. After a struggle within myself, I realized that my problems were caused by being outcome-dependent. Because I had thoughts like “I’m going to try to lay this chick” in my mind… before I’d even opened my mouth to say “hi”… I put so much pressure on myself to perform in the conversation. That caused me to come off as creepy to girls by appearing to be too interested in them before they had earned my interest. As a result, I would crash and burn. It sucked.