3 Mistakes Guys Make in Bars and Clubs
Are you frustrated with the bar and club scene?
If so, then this letter will be VERY useful to you…
I can remember in my younger days spending night after night in bars and clubs, approaching so many women I’d lose count in a single night.
It’s all kind of a blur to me now.
But looking back, I realize I made a TON of mistakes.
Oh well…that’s life.
At least I learned from them.
A lot of what I learned was technical stuff – how to approach, engage, and escalate with the women I chose.
But there are some deeper things I learned, that I want to share with you.
When guys start trying to improve with women, the first thing they usually think about is what they are going to do in the bar or club.
They picture this crazy dark place full of scantily-clad women, and they see it almost like a battlefield for which they are unprepared.
For most guys who are struggling with the opposite sex on adultfrinendfinder, the bar is an intimidating place.
In fact, nightclubs are actually DESIGNED to intimidate patrons, because that will lead to more alcohol sales.
Think about it – whats the first thing you want to do when you walk into a club?
Get a drink!
Not because you love to drink…but because you are intimidated.
It’s unfortunate, but that’s what’s going on.
And hey – it’s actually pretty smart on their part.
The thing is, a lot of guys don’t have time during the day to meet women, and have to go out on the weekends.
Maybe you work long hours, or live in a town with a really small population.
If this is the case, a bar or club can offer a large selection of women – you
can book your whole week for dates after one night at the club.
But it’s not as easy as it sounds – you probably already know that.
It’s funny – everytime I’d go out at night, I’d think “yeah, there are gonna be so many girls, it’s gonna be awesome.”
Then I’d get there.
And sure enough, there were tons of women.
But I was intimidated.
And even though I’d talk to tons of women, I’d get nowhere with them.
Or if I got a number it would flake.
After years and years of trial and error, I now have a much better perspective on the whole thing.
There’s one thing you gotta know about meeting women at night.
They are expecting to be approached…badly.
And by that I mean, they are mentally prepared to have drunk guys walking up and saying idiotic things all night.
And they project this onto every guy.
So in a sense, you are working up hill, so to speak.
But that goes right out the window after you approach and she feels your expression.
But that’s a whole ‘nother story.
Right now I want to talk about some stuff you can do for yourself, to make the whole process easier.
Go to venues that fit your style.
If you’re a hipster, go to hipster bars.
If you like to dance, go to hip hop clubs.
If you are younger, go to college bars.
If you are older and not as wild as you used to be, find a cool lounge filled with professionals.
But here’s the secret.
Become a regular.
This may sound like small fries, and I personally like trying new places, but
once you find a spot you like, go there often, or whenever you can.
This will help you get over that whole “intimidation” thing, and you’ll feel much more relaxed – so much so that you will realize why I place so much importance on this.
Secondly, don’t overdo it.
In the pickup/seduction community, it’s considered the status quo to go out every night and approach tons of women.
I did that in my early days, and I actually think it held me back.
I was practicing bad habits over and over.
I wasn’t giving my mind time to process my experience, and formulate a solution.
I was a madman – like the Tazmanian Devil of pickup.
Let me explain.
When you are trying to change, to reach some goal, you need to work hard, but you also need rest.
It’s during that rest period that your mind puts the pieces together.
It’s weird…I’ve actually made my biggest leaps of progress when I chilled out for a few weeks.
When I came back to it I was better, and able to reach a new plateau (and we all know how frustrating it is to stay on the same plateau for too long).
The third thing I would change about going out if I could do it all over again is this…
I would have stopped planning for problems and negative outcomes.
What I mean is, I used to think “OK what if she says this,” or “what if the group
does this,” or “what if there’s a boyfriend who wants to punch me – how will I dodge his punch while throwing the girl in the taxi.”
We all do it – we rehearse what could go wrong, and we try to formulate some strategy.
Well guess what – strategy is overrated.
Colin Powell said this,
“No battle plan survives contact with the enemy.”
You can plan all week for Saturday night, but really, you have NO CLUE what will happen.
I think about it like this – your brain is a super-computer, and has been developing for millions of years.
You have the ability to improvise, to adapt, to be a genius in the moment.
After awhile, I threw out all my notes and routines, and plans.
I went out with an empty mind, and fed my subconscious with tons of experiences.
And that’s when I started to put the pieces together.
My beliefs changed – my focus changed.
It became NATURAL.
You don’t have to go out 5 nights a week to get good with women.
Guys who are naturally good at this stuff didn’t take that route.
Their minds work in such a way that they pay attention to the RIGHT things when talking to women.
And when you talk to these guys, their advice makes no sense.
That’s because they are trying to give you THEIR experience – but you can only
get your own.
If you don’t experience the inner shift, the learning, if it’s not YOUR mind putting the pieces together, it won’t happen for you.