KVM Info

I had dated a girl named Juliet about a year prior to this and I always knew there was something there between us but somehow I could not access it.

I had an experience in my past that was blocking me from fully connecting. My first girlfriend ever, the first girl I had ever slept with, cheated on me, and as a result I was super insecure about a lot of things and super fearful of rejection.

When I was 27, after having been in several relationships, I found myself asking the question, “Have you ever been in love?”

I was beginning to worry I would never experience this feeling. I had some feelings for some girls in those relationships, but I knew there was more possible.

After getting sober from booze and pills, I started some serious soul searching. I was looking for purpose in life.

I often wish words would and could just do what they say they do. I wish words could just be what they say they are. I wish words could fix my reality to their syllables instead of ME having to fix my reality to their syllables.

Before you start to think that this is just a lawyer-problem, I ask you to think about how these mental models show up in your own daily life. How many of you–no matter how deep in connection with someone you might be–lose that connection when conflict comes along? How many of you know that fun-house mirror experience where that person suddenly becomes foreign and strange, the “other” who “did” something to you? You forget how or why you ever trusted them. In that moment, you stop relating to them as a live human being, and start relating to the mental model.

Through OM, we learn to get out of our heads, and into our bodies. We let go of the idea that we can know what’s ahead. We embrace the reality that we are walking step-by-step into an unknowable future. Instead of “figuring things out,” we navigate the world by sensation. Instead of logic, we use feel. We learn to get down and dirty into the mud of direct experience.

Your most precious gems: your heart, body and soul.. you give them away thinking bartering your value is the ONLY way to get your needs met. Let me tell you, giving yourself away, and letting go of your self, is the FOR SURE way, to NOT GET WHAT YOU WANT.

The complicatedness of relatedness comes from what’s underneath the surface. The emotional landscape. For most it is a barren wasteland of memory, fears, pain, trauma, and things left unexamined, unhealed. When you are falling for someone’s eyes, the way their mouth moves when they talk, and all the things that create your perfect little fantasy world, and not paying attention to who this person is down under… it is no wonder most women are stupified when they are crying to me, he’s not who I thought he was.

Most of you, women, stop at surface.

Is he good looking? What kind of car does he drive? What does he do for a living? How much money does he have? Is he what I want aesthetically? Is he intelligent? Can he take of care of me? Will he protect me? Will he take me out and treat me right? Will he boost my image? Will he be good in bed? Does he have the same hobbies and interests in me? Can he be my dream man?

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My ex came back in to be friends again recently. He is in opposition to me, almost always. Like magnets that push away. His pole is realism, (I call it dire pessimism), and mine is…unicorns (he calls it a bullshit fantasy land). I was obsessed with him for six years of volatile acrimony.